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What to do

What do I do,
What do I say?
When I re-live my past,
In dreams.
What do I do when,
I want to run and hide.
From memories that,
Keep catching up to the present.
They keep re-living themselves inside,
my mind by surprise.
What do I do,
When I can't.
Remember Love, Happiness and Joy,
Just hate, Jealousy and pity.
When instead of remembering a kiss,
I remember a hit.
Instead of a hug, a kick,
Instead of I love you.
I hear I hate you.
What do I do,
When I'm scared and crying.
If I can't come to you,
Then who do I go too?

One last chance

Bitch,Whore, Slut,
That's what you are.
You claim to be my mother,
Yet you hurt me with your lies and actions.
Let me give you a fact,
You can't hurt me any more then that.
You say you love me,
But how can you?
When you leave me, when I need you most.
You think by saying those three little words,
You can make everything all better.
But in truth you are only helping your own needs.
YOu say my father does not love me,
But that's just another one of your tricks to hurt me.
Why do you do this?,
Can you not see I hurt enough.
I cry every night,
Lying in my bed.
Not knowing what else to do,
Or even where else to turn.
I'm at a loss for words to try to explain to you,
Each time I try, you turn away from me.
Don't you hear my cry for help?
This is the last way I thought I could tell you,
Yet you still don't understand.
So for now it's out of my hands.
Daddy Tom

Goodbye my friend
I sit on this bed,
And shed one to many a tear.
Saying goodbye my friend,
Used to be just a fear.
I got the news,
Just yesterday.
I had to run,
I really couldn't stay.
The memories of you,
Holding me so tight.
The pictures from the day,
You lost your fight.
I never wanted to,
Say Goodbye my friend.
But you were old and sick,
So your life came to an end.
I can see how you held me,
So I would stop my crying.
You always said you'd be alright,
Please tell me why you were lying.
To say goodbye my friend,
It's so hard to do.
I never said " I love you ",
But I think you always knew.
Now once again,
I'm sitting on this bed.
And for once,
I have no tears to shed.
It's so different here,
Now that your gone from my life.
But just thinking of the memories,
Still hurts like a knife.

GRRRR I hate my printer

OK everyone. So I have this lexmark printer. It's a few years old. Not ancient though. So it recently decided it didn't want to work all the time. So i ( after fighting with the damn thing for weeks ) decided to uninstall the thing and reinstall it. Go figure it wouldn't reinstall. Now mind you I have the same printer hooked up to my daughter's computer as well and it works from her computer. So I called Lexmark and got told " well we've never had that problem before ". And people that do customer service for these things are supposed to be smart? So i'm getting a new printer at some point. T found me a good one. Thank T. Now I gotta talk my husband into letting me get it. Not that I'll really wait for his permission. I never have before. LOL. So I'm obviously not buying a Lexmark again. No big loss for me though.

Another update. Tala is out with her father. All we hear right now from Dakota is " I wanna see Tala " , " I miss Tala ", " When will Tala be home ? ". So I found a recent picture of her and put it in his room for him. That seems to calm him down sometimes. LOL. He has his moments. Other then that nothing really new here. Maybe I'll start posting some of the poems I've written over the years. Maybe. We'll see.



Finally got a new washer

Today we finally got a new washer. It's more or less brand new. It's never been used but some lady ordered it and then didn't want that one. We got a $900 washer for $300. Not a bad deal at all. I also finally got a wireless card for my laptop. Now after I have my wrist surgery in 11 days I'll still be able to work on my laptop. Even one handed. LMAO. My poor husband will have to suffer for a few months. Poor Baby. We also finally got Tala a new keyboard for her computer. She's trying to teach her brother to use it. Kind of funny to watch really. Today tala's class celebrated Dr. Susses's birthday at school. She had a blast. My son however was home moping on the couch because he got me and my husband sick with the stomach flu. Other then that nothing really new. I also finally cleaned off my desk again. It won't stay like this for long. No miracles here. LOL.



Update on me

OK some people already know i am having surgery on my left wrist on March 14th. At this point I want it over with already.  I will have a sling on my wrist for the first week ( until the stitches come out ) then I will be in a cast for anywhere from 3 weeks to 16 weeks depending on how my wrist heals.  Now giving that I am left handed that will mean seriously restricting what I do.  No writing,  typing, lifting or anything else with my left wrist. The surgeon is actually taking a bone out of my wrist.  That will be a new thing. Every other surgery i've ever had the doctor's have added something ( ie. Wires, screws, plates) . So this should be interesting.  I guess we'll see. On a happier note the puppy is doing great.  She is almost completely house trained and growing like a weed. LOL.  Her name fits her well. Both kids have had ear infections in the last few weeks and if she even hears them cough she's right there. Very protective.  She also loves to chase her tail. Not sure I understand that one though. LOL.  Dakota may be going for a new test called MEG soon. From what I'm told it's kind of like an MRI but live.  They will have to take him off of his meds to do the test but at least it will be in a controlled environment.  Tala is doing great in school. She just took another math test ( funny I don't remember having those in kindergarten) and got an A.  She loves school for the most part.  She just hates homework ( like every other kid I know ) . She already telling me she wants a car when she graduates. Let me tell you how fast I see that happening.  So either she's not getting a car or she's not graduating. LOL. Other then that nothing really new around here.  Hope all is well with everyone else.


Jan. 20th, 2008

Yesterday ( the 19th of January ) we got our son a puppy that will be trained as a service dog. She is an adorable black lab. Her name is shadow and she is 7 months old. She is already protective of Dakota. I added a picture of her.

It's only december 3rd and I'm done

Finally for probably the first time ever I'm done my Christmas shopping early. I'm even done doing Christmas cards for the most part. The only cards I have left to do are the ones for my daughter's kindergarten class. Now the decorating begins. Uggg. I hate this part. It takes forever to get everything up and even longer to get it all back down again. So I guess I'll get started on the decorating some time tomorrow. Then maybe I'll get around to wrapping all the presents by next week. My children ( as they will do ) have already started snooping around. More my daughter then my son but so far she has found nothing. One of these days I'm going to have to dig a hole in the floor to hide things from her. That's it for now. I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday and New Year.


Writer's Block: Tasty Thanksgiving Treat

What's your favorite Thanksgiving dish?
I have a few. My mother's candied yams, my mother in laws pies, my grandmother's deviled eggs, my grandfather's lebanon logs.